


blame the evil squirrel

by themidsummersoldier



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack Relationships, Drabble, Happily Ever After AU, because the world needs more wardhunter, wardhunter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3738853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themidsummersoldier/pseuds/themidsummersoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>/// “You boys need a moment?” \\\ in which hunter falls, ward catches him, and bobbi almost laughs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	blame the evil squirrel

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on tumblr 4-7-15. this is pure wardhunter crack and I love it. based on the following anon prompt:
> 
> Anonymous asked: “you tripped and I caught you but now it looks like I’m dipping you, how did this even-“ au wardhunter (i'm laughing at the image)

“Don’t. Move.” Lance hissed, his hands shaking as he desperately tried to keep still. A small crowd was starting to gather around the two men who stood in the middle of a Baltimore sidewalk.

“Why?” Grant asked, his voice at the same volume as Hunter’s. The muscles on Ward’s arms became more defined through his shirt as he struggled to hold onto Lance’s body.

“Because,” Hunter began slowly, “there’s an 0-8-4, and a highly explosive one, I might add, in my backpack and I’m fairly certain you just set it off.”

“ _Me_?” Ward exclaimed, his voice twice as loud as before, “What did I do?”

Over the sounds of Lance’s frantic shushing, a beeping noise came from the backpack.

“Holy shit,” Lance muttered in disbelief, “You just _had_ to catch me, didn’t you?”

“You were about to crack your _head_ open on the pavement.”

“I was jumping out of the way of that evil squirrel back there, I was not about to _fall._ ” Lance replied indignantly.

Ward’s eyes widened for a moment, then he shook his head, “W-why are we even debating this? If your backpack is about to blow, shouldn’t we be running?”

“Nope, no, no way,” Hunter shook his head as gently as he could, “If we, I mean, _you,_ haven’t already tripped the second switch, any sort of movement could start the final countdown. Which, would be bad. We just- we need to stay here until Fitz can disarm the damn thing. Or until-”

Lance’s sentence went unfinished, but Grant could guess what the alternative option would be. A big boom, and a lot of civilian casualties.

“Okay everybody, listen up,” Ward called out to the crowd as loud as he dared. Lance winced. “You all need to get out of here, right now. You hear me?”

A few people backed away, but most simply pulled out their phones to snap a picture of the unusual sight. Ward groaned, half from frustration and half from the strain of keeping Lance’s body still.

“Hey- hey hold up a second, I think the beeping stopped,” Lance whispered, holding a finger up to Grant’s lips to silence him.

_One._

No beeping.

_Two._

Only the hushed murmuring of the crowd.

_Three._

**BEEP.**

**BEEP.**

**BEEP.**

“You boys need a moment?”

A familiar voice broke through the panic that had suddenly engulfed Ward’s mind as the beeping began again in full force. Hunter’s eyes rolled halfway back into his head and Ward nearly dropped him.

“Bobbi, you need to get out of here,” Grant half yelled, peering over his shoulder, trying to locate his fellow agent. The click of her boots on pavement continued to come closer.

“Do I even want to know?” she finally asked, looking Ward and Hunter up and down a few times. It was probably an interesting sight, as Grant stood hunched over Lance, with one arm wrapped around the British man’s upper body and his hand clasped around Lance’s wrist. Lance was nearly horizontal, one foot on the ground and the other one pointed in the air.

“Bob- the 0-8-4 in my backpack, it’s doing the thing again. I think it’s about to blow. Fitz needs to get down here right away and-”

“Wait, wait-” Bobbi interrupted Lance’s frantic words, shaking her head in confusion, “ _I_ have the 0-8-4 in _my_ backpack, remember? Coulson didn’t trust you to carry it around without something stupid going wrong.”

Grant looked at Bobbi, and then down at Lance, who wore a scowl.

“But- but if the 0-8-4 isn’t beeping, _what is_?” Grant asked, his voice faint.

Bobbi almost laughed, “It’s Hunter’s phone. I’ve been trying to call you guys for the past five minutes.”

Without hesitation, or warning, Grant let go of Lance, who promptly fell to the ground in a heap.

_end._


End file.
